I love you Nico Di'angelo
by tearsofhappiness
Summary: Valdangelo: Nico is in a sad place in his mind and Leo helps him out of it. (established Leo/Nico relationship) It's a bit sad but hopefully ok at the end.I'm terrible at summaries so just give it a chance. Main theme of self harm. So trigger warnings for self harm.
1. Chapter 1

Nico was sat on his bed doing nothing. Well that wasn't exactly true. He was thinking.

Part of his brain was in disagreement with the rest over what he was contemplating.

But the other part, a much bigger part, was fogging his mind.

Clouding it with thoughts of what he could do with a shiny blade against his skin. He could cut open the pale flesh. Letting the blood run out, to be free, just as Nico longed to be free of these thoughts.

It would be so beautiful. Seeing the contrast of bright red against his almost white skin. It would be so pretty. He could make art with his body. With his blood.

The smaller part of his brain tried to tell him it wouldn't be beautiful. That this wouldn't be art, even in the most twisted sense of the word.

But that part was being slowly silenced. Smothered by the great black storm cloud of emotion.

It wasn't like Nico hadn't self harmed before. Just never cut.

He picked at the skin beside his nails. Pulling at it to reveal the raw bloodied flesh beneath.

He pulled at his hair too.

Nico didn't even realise that what he was doing was self harming when he first began years earlier. He just knew it felt good to pull out just one more, now just one more, no this would be the last, and just one final ebony hair from the same spot just behind his ear.

Nico just saw dragging a blade across his skin the next step in his downward spiral. Such as a drug addict might move from snorting to injecting heroine just to try get back the rush they first felt.

The small part of Nico's brain told him he had no reason to do this. Any of this.

It wasn't like he was depressed.

He had a loving family. So okay it wasn't perfect. His dad had left before he was even born. But he still had his Mom and sister.

Thinking of them cleared the cloud a little. Like the sun making a brief appearance in an overcast sky. The moment of clarity gave him chance to think of the promise he'd made to his beautiful boyfriend.

He'd shared these thoughts with Leo once. The other boy had hugged him. Making Nico promise not to.

And Nico had promised. Because how could he not. Looking into Leo's eyes he was sure he'd promise that boy anything. He promise him the world.

But Leo wasn't here. He wasn't here to hold him. He wasn't here to tell him he loved him and to never forget that, because I love you Nico Di'angelo.

So just as the sun had come out it disappeared back behind the clouds. Or more accurately the one all consuming cloud.

Nico reached over to open his bedside draw. His hand hovering over the black box in there as his mind became completely clouded.

He lifted the box out to reveal a blade inside. Nico had come close but he had never actually used it before.

But it had been waiting for him. Waiting till Nico was finally ready.

He lifted the bottom of his boxers revelling a little more of his pale flesh.

He paused for a moment.

Not because he wasn't sure whether to go ahead. No. His resolve was set.

He paused for a moment to prepare for the weight, from an unknown source, to be lifted from his shoulders.

Nico pressed the blade in. He felt the pain but it was nice to feel something different even just for a moment.

He cut again and again leaving gashes along his thigh.

Nico stopped to watch as the blood rushed to the surface of his skin. He stared as the blood ran along kiss skin, trailing patterns as it went.

The boy shook his head to clear it of the red cloud that had begun to creep in. He looked down at his leg and gingerly placed his boxers back down over the wounds. Watching as it soaked up his mistake.

Because indeed it was a mistake. The unknown weight on his shoulders was still there.

Nico quickly placed the, now bloodied, blade back in the black box. Not bothering to wipe it. He placed the box back in the draw. Ready for next time.


	2. Chapter 2

Nico was layed out on Leo's bed. The Latino poised above him, a smirk on his lips as he leant back in to kiss the other boy.

Nico responded to the kiss and placed his hands on Leo's already bare back pulling the tanned boy closer.

Leo reached for the button on Nico's jeans. And Nico raised his hips to allow the other boy to bring them to the same state of undress.

Nico sat up so he could hold Leo to him as the curly haired boy straddled his hips. In doing so the edge of Nico's boxers were pushed up reminding him of what he'd done.

Leo was still kissing his boyfriend but stopped when he felt the other boys lips still against his own. He looked up into Nico's eyes to see them tearing up as he stared down.

Leo glanced down following the other boys gaze. He saw the marks. Bright pink against the pale boy's skin.

He glanced back up to see that Nico's eyes had begun to run with silent tears.

Leo didn't question it. He didn't even say a word. He just moved off Nico's lap to climb behind him. Taking the smaller boy in his arms Leo leant against the bed's headrest.

He began to stroke Nico's hair wrapping his other arm around Nico to fully embrace him. He whispered into the now sobbing boys ear. It's ok. You're gonna be ok. We'll get thought this. Together. Because I love you Nico Di'angelo. I really do. With all my heart I love you. And we will get through this.

Nico fell asleep wrapped in the comfort of Leo's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Leo and Nico were sat cuddling on the sofa neither really aging much attention to the movie they had chosen to watch.

Nico had his head resting on Leo's shoulder and was almost drifting off from listening to the sound of hi is boyfriend's heart. But he was distuturbed when Leo twisted in his seat to face the darker haired boy.

He mumbled and groaned a little which would have made Leo laugh at any other time but now he wanted to be serious.

"Nico, hold out your wrist." and although slightly confused he did as Leo asked.

Leo took something out of his pocket and stretched it out so he could fit it over the other boys hand to place it on his wrist.

Nico looked down at the rubberised that had been placed on his wrist. He raised an eyebrow and looked up at Leo the question evident in his eyes.

"I know you don't want to talk about it," Leo started knowing that the raven haired boy would know what he meant by 'it'. "but I just wanted to remind you that I'm here for you if you ever do. And that I love you Nico Di'angelo, and I care too much to bare seeing you do this to yourself." He paused for breath and smiled a little. "So whenever you feel.." Leo paused, unsure of what word to go with, "..sad remember you can talk to me, whatever the time or wherever I am, you can always talk to me. But as a last resort use this." He reached for Nico's hand running a thumb in circles over his palm. "Pull it and let go. This way you can get some relief without putting yourself at risk."

Leo felt Nico squeeze his hand and he looked up to see all the love and gratitude he could ever ask for an more in the pale boy's beautiful, beautiful eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

AN. Sorry it's been ages but I was never in the right frame of mind to write more on this till now.

* * *

Nico had tried he really had. But things had just gotten too much.

And here he was again sat on the edge of his bed blade in hand.

He thought back to the last time he had been in this position.

_It had been the day he and Leo had….It had been a bad day._

_He and Leo had gone to a café, where Leo wanted to talk._

_Nico hadn't been surprised at the conversation really. They'd been acting more and more like friends recently. Spending less time together, and when they did they didn't do anything 'coupley'. Whatever the fuck that meant._

_The only thing they hadn't done was officially end the relationship._

_But just because he'd been expecting it didn't mean it wasn't upsetting._

_But still he told Leo he was okay, just had to pop to the loo._

_Nico really shouldn't have thought he could get away with it that easily, after all the boy knew him better than anyone._

_He sat on the closed toilette lid and rifled through his school bag bringing out his pencil case._

_It's not like Nico had intended to carry a blade with him everywhere it just happened to be a vital part of his school equipment. And really the screws shouldn't be so easy to twist out._

_He dropped the sharpener remnants into his bag and held the blade between his thumb and forefinger._

_Just then the toilette door banged open. Nico flinched before he remembered he was safely locked in his stall._

_"Nico!" The voice called. Oh shit, it's Leo._

_After a moment he called back. "Umm yeah. Just give me a second. I'll be right out, just go back and wait for me."_

_"Nope, not happening. If you don't open the stall now. I'm gonna climb over."_

_"You wouldn't."_

_Nico heard shuffling in the stall next to his. Then Leo's head popped over the dividing wall. Nico was too supprised that Leo had actually done it that he hadn't thought to hide the blade in his hand._

_"Oh Nico. Come on. Let me in, open the door."_

_"But..But you just..we just…we just broke up!"_

_"Doesn't mean I don't care about you Nico. And it sure as hell doesn't mean I want this to happen." Leo spoke as he climbed off the toilet and went round to stand in front of the door to Nico's stall._

But here Nico was again, preparing to cut. But this time Leo wasn't there to save him from himself.

Nico was moving, he was going half way across the country and leaving Nico behind with his thoughts.

Leo promised to stay in touch if Nico promised to stay positive.

But it wasn't like Leo could hold him to his promise anymore.

* * *

AN. Sorry it got a bit sad again. (more cookies for all). I'm hopefully gonna write at least one more chapter...how would you feel about me adding some Will/Nico in?


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